210126 Life is okay

omg it's been so long since I have updated this site. I have been meaning to but I just haven't lol. It's not like I haven't had the time cuz ya gyal is still unemployed (huzzah). I have been applying to a bunch of minimum wage jobs cuz I really can't think about trying to do any grad schemes cuz 1) they're a pain in the ass to apply to and 2) most likely will get rejected cuz I don't have a masters degree. But I also just don't want that currently. I have my heart set on saving up money for a few years at a minimum wage (or a bit more if I can) job and then go and do a masters. I am also just enjoying being home with my family, pets and all the junk and trinkets in my room lol. It's so annoying cuz I don't have any sort of bar or shop experience and those r the main roles going, a part from cleaning jobs which I have found I generally cannot handle with my chronic health condition. I have a few applications floating around so I guess we'll see what becomes of them.

Anyway enough employment talk (ew) I have contnued being creative over the last couple of months and created a whole new doll! He is quite large, I haven'r measured him exactly but he's like 1/3ish scale (even though hes not a scale doll but anyways) and of course it's my awesome man Lan Wangji from mdzs. I revitalised my love of the series by rewatching the untamed and omg i missed being a nerd freak. In my 6 years of being a fan of this series I still have yet to watch the majority of the donghua lol. Call me a fake fan but the live action s much more nostalgic cuz that's how I found out about the series in 2019. I did start my first (fully fledged anyway) fanfic and of course it's wangxian with a side of Jiang Cheng and Wen Qing, i still need to fiish it tho... and get that bad boy on ao3..... Anyway yeah I'm really pleased with him hes so cool and im really happy with the poseability. I really need t get around to adding my art to the page I made for it but I keep forgetting lol. I have also gotten more into BJD's in general. I thought i would be happy sculpting them and saving money by not buying the hundreds of pounds worth of dolls but i caved and got my first real one for christmas (my real first one was a blind box one i got at a covention but she doesnt count to me cuz shes a blind box lol). anyway i wasnt too clued up and accidentally got a recast and whatever ur opinion is on that i think she really pretty and good quality. I understand the argument of the trying not to buy them as it is stolen art work, but in my case where I was newbie and didn't know and i still love her, i don't think i should be shamed into getting rid of her. BJD spaces seem very anal about it and its scary but i am very happy with her. shes a puyoo doll recast and if u know, those r soooo expenisve and hard to get if ur not in japan. but yes from no on i will not buy recasts as i am more clued up on everything. speaking offfffff for my bday my mum kindly offer to get me a doll!!! yipeeeee!!!! I got a gem of doll body and dollzone head and some accessories. this will be my first time trying to do a proper face up and i feel like the stakes r higher cuz its a genuine doll head lol. i wont be doing any hard mods like carving but still its scary! im gonna get the good stuf, mr super clear varnish, which will also come in handy for my own BJD's too. but i heard it is reversible so i fuck up tremendously it's removebale (phew). It will probs take a few months to come which i am not used to waiting for orders lol but i undertsand some companies are made to order. i am hoping that with the lack of face-up it will be quicker cuz i am not waiting for another artists time.

another thing i hav been getting more into recently are otome games. i go through phases of playing games like these, but the "free to play" ones are either shit or i just cant be bothered waiting for my stats to reset to contiue the story. id rather pay one lump sum and get the whole game yknow? i had nightshade and code realize for yearrrrsss i wanna say 2019? or maybe 2020 idk but still. i tried playing nightshade n just never could be botherd to sit down and read (child attention span lol) but i have finally picked them up again after just starting to use my switch more in general cuz of the animal crossing update hehe. i started with nightshade and i got the ending where u fucking die so great for me i guess. for my first playthrough of these games i try and pick what i would choose irl so i guess i would've died then lol. ill probs replay some routes but i was an idiot and didnt save before the first route diversion so i need to replay it all and i dont wanna rn. the characters were cool i guess, the story was very lore heavy but the art style and character design were good and so was the voice acting. yeah i think ill like it more when i actually get a goddam romance ending lol. so i started playing code realize and omg im lving it, id say i like it a lot more than nightshade. all of the characters r so cool and i dont think im even off the main route yet which is cool. im currently wanting to romance victor lol cuz he's nerdy and sciency like my bf irl hehehehehe. impey is also so funny but ia bit weird with the forcing a relationship thing even if its meant for comedic effect. generally id say all the characters are pretty likeable. I thin i could compare gekkamaru and lupin as like the "main" dudes or the easy pickings i guess. the most forwardly courageous or whatever idk. but i like lupin a lot more, yes he's cocky and a showoff but it's more charming than gekkamaru constantly babying you like ur a kid (well i guess the protaganist is 16 but still, shes a shinobi bro cmon). i like that he did back away a bit, especially when goemon was around to help to but like he went back to it as soon as evryone rendevouzed anyway so idk. also it fucking pissed me off with goemon and basically getting me killed??? and killing my entire family???? like bruh. i understand that was definitely the bad ending or one of them at least but he tried to say (whilst holding my goddam corpse) that he did it so we coudl run away together??? like bro ur not getting me back!! (if i was alive anyway...). i thought maybe it was leading to a reveal that he drugged my family n made them cold to the touch n hey! it was all a big thing to make me believe it so the plan went smoothly but even then thats so unforgiveable. nightshade definitely has complex characters, which is cool i guess but peeps online have been saying hanzo's route is like the only genuine romantic one which is annoying cuz i WAS gonna choose him of goemon first. hmph. also the facet chojiro is my cousin!?!?! yikes... he's hot tho, but still bro, i don't want incest in my otome games thank ya kindly! anyway yeah code realize is awesome so far nd i have a bunch of other games wishlisted on steam and eshop but i lowkey wanna play some of the older ones on vita but id need to buy one and mod it and im broke currently so no lol.

hmmmm idk if theres much else i wanna talk about. i got a holy grail cd on the way, fighting starlight by benton falls! omg i love that album so much uughhhmmmmmmooughmmm but it just never came up for sale on ebay or discogs but my ebay alerts came in clutch and i got it for £9 so it better arrive okay. it's from a seller i trust tho so all shall be dandy i assume. i wanna see more live music too but i just cant afford, not even small shows cuz the scene that was local to me is obviously not local to me cuz i moved back home from uni and they have so many good shows but it costs money to get the train there even if the tickets r like ~£10. im super excited to mcr this summer tho omg. i was pissed that they added more uk dates before out show cuz it would've been the first one in the country n idk if they would've made it a bit more special but yeah. i was also annoyed when i found out the date after mine got sunny day real estate bruhhhh but joan jett will be really cool to see too but i dont really listen to her outside of what ive heard in passing. there's been a revitalised scene happening in a town closer to me and ive gone to a couple of emo shows theyve had which has been nice, cuz my last scene didn't hav many emo bands but moreso hardcore and metal gigs. more emo recently tho which has made me have so much fomo. luckily my bf still lives up there so if i really wanna see someone i can stay with him but when it's some local bands i hav no clue about im less likely to go cuz no dough.

i think that's all from me. i think i might play more code realize and curb my latest xiaohongshu addiciton (looking at cute dolls). buh-bye!